Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
