How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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