I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
