I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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