The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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