Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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