You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
