Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
