Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
no, he came in my armpit
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
