After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
There's even glitter on my cock...
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