I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
