My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Mom said you looked used
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
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