friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
soo... how was my night?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
