did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
