thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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