Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I would ride that face into the sunset
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
