By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
