so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
