I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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