I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
