just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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