He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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