So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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