You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
