Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize