dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
