Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
