i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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