I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
