You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
