About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Randomize
