Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
