i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
