Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
