He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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