Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
