Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize