I wish I only lived at night.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
