Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
