Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
