Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
