Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
