we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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