my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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