Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(646): View more from New York

Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.

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(248): View more from Michigan

I slept with him to see his dog one last time

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(212): View more from New York

Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.

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(623): View more from Arizona

By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.

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(740): View more from Ohio

Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.

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(734): View more from Michigan

The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.

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(816): View more from Missouri

If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea

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(816): View more from Missouri

dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful

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