Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i dont even know how to be here
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
