Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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