I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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