Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
His nipple licking is glorious
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