I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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