my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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