I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
