Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
