you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
