So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
