Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
