every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
