All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
