i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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