so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
