I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize