I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
