i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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