9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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