Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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