Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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