my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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