do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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