these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
