I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
